Sexy Scirocco

You know you’ve been driving a little, er, enthusiastically when you get home from a shopping spree and the stuff that was once in bags is now scattered all over the boot. Oops. This is the trouble with driving the VW Scirocco. It goes fast. Quickly. And it growls, and people stare, and you kind of feel of obliged to put your foot down flat when you get the chance. Just so you don’t disappoint anyone.

It’s rather a good thing I have to return this car because I would definitely start getting speeding fines. The two-door Scirocco coupe is sportiness incarnate, with big fat jumbo-jet exhausts, super-low seats (there is some trouble, even for the young and nimble [a-hem] in getting in and out) and many features that make it a very, very awesome vehicle to own.

Firstly, it talks a lot, which we women happen to love. Slip her into reverse and she gives a little warning beep that you’re about to go backwards (very useful when you might have been in first and about to bump the guy behind you. I did find the gear shift a teeny bit vague). Then, she flashes a little warning on the screen, reminding you to be absolutely sure you’re not about to reverse over an old lady walking her Yorkie. And then she beeps some more, letting you know that you’re getting very near to a lamp-post and that you’ll need to stop going backwards now. Some people (like men) might find this chattering annoying, but I found it reassuring and definitely a plus. It’s like driving with your best friend. And anyway, you can turn it off.

Another thing I loved, living as I do in hilly Cape Town, is that feature, whatever it’s called, that stops the car from rolling back. Even though I know how to use a handbrake and haven’t let a car roll back since I was eighteen and the cop sitting next to me nearly failed me (but didn’t – those were the days), I still find stopping on steep hills vaguely stressful. The Scirocco is so helpful, you never have to stress about handbrake fails – or, for that matter, having a cold bum.

The aircon/heating system (which is super-easy to use, and allows you and your passenger to each choose the exact temperature you want) has a very cosy seat-warming feature which you can adjust from nicely warm to very toasty indeed. Perfect for that frosty early morning drive to work, or winter holidays in the Karoo.

The Scirocco is a lot more spacious than you would imagine, given its sporty shape. The front seats are positively roomy, while there is ample space in the back for two more adults. The hand-brake is a tad far away from the driver, though, and I did knock my husband on the arm a few times. The Scirocco’s standard features place it on the same level as much more expensive coupés – always on board are 17-inch alloy wheels, height-adjustable driver and front passenger seats, a sexy leather steering wheel, power windows, air conditioning, ESP, braking assistant, six airbags, power steering and – of course – a sport chassis.

On the top 200 PS model, standard equipment also includes chrome tail-pipes, a ‘Titanium black’ roof liner and a sound generator. If you don’t know what any of these things are, basically it looks like a sportscar. And it feels a lot more expensive than it is.

It also has a reassuringly solid feel about it which is a good thing on SA’s crazy roads. Its doors are kind of heavy, though, and this, combined with how low one sits, means that you would need strong arms in a south-easter. I was a little disappointed (being in show-off mode as I was) that the sun-roof only opens 39 millimetres. But I loved the auto lights option which means that, when you drive into an underground parking garage midday, the lights automatically go on and your dashboard illuminates.

The clock is also in the driver’s direct line of vision – a small detail, but useful for people (me) who are perpetually running late. There is also a super-cool feature (which might annoy its more know-it-all [read: male] drivers, but which I loved) where it suggests the appropriate gear based on the speed you’re going. It took me a while to figure out what it what the little ‘4’ with an arrow pointing upwards meant, but once I figured out it was telling me to change gears, I was surprised at how well the car handles lower speeds in high gears. Without the prompt, I would have kept it in fourth for longer, costing me unnecessary fuel.

The sound system’s face is big and extremely user-friendly – great when you’re driving and an awful ad comes on – and your Coldplay CD goes softer automatically when the car needs to beep you a message. Which I found terribly thoughtful. To get a little technical, with the Scirocco, VW have managed to pull off maximum torque (you know, vroom) and minimum fuel consumption. In the case of the latest TSI, 240 Newton-meter torque contrasts with just 6.5 liters super unleaded per 100 kilometers. Which is really pretty good. And even on the 200-PS TSI with its considerable 280 Newton-meter of torque, fuel consumption is just 7.7 liters. If you don’t know what any of this means (and, frankly, why should you?) it translates, simply, to plenty of zippiness and more money at the end of the month for shoes.

And speaking of shoes, the boot is surprisingly generous, with space for plenty of shopping. And when you’re en route to a party at night and wondering if your lipstick survived the drive, the sun-visor mirrors light up very nicely. One thing you’ll have to get used to is the attention you get. Everyone from parking attendants to fellow motorists to people strolling by comment on this car. You get stared at at traffic lights, and strangers come over to have a closer look.

Unfortunately, I had to admit that it wasn’t mine, and it was with a heavy heart that I returned it to the dealership. If I wanted sporty on a limited budget, I wouldn’t hesitate to buy the Scirocco – and in the same eye-catching electric blue as the one I test-drove. It’s is the perfect combination of stylish, sexy and powerful. And – take it from me – it’s a man magnet par excellence.